What to get someone going through a hard time
Illness, grief, divorce, job loss. Help and gifts that tend to be welcome, and how to offer them without adding to someone’s load.
The most useful thing you can give is usually help that asks nothing back — no hosting, no thank-you note, no need to seem fine.
That doesn’t mean it has to be serious. A favorite snack, a funny film, or an ordinary conversation can all be welcome. What tends not to help is a gift that expects them to feel better because of it.
Help with everyday things
When someone is dealing with a lot, ordinary tasks can slip. Taking one off their plate is often the most practical kind of care.
- Food that’s ready to eat
- A meal that reheats in one dish, or a delivery from somewhere they like. Check for dietary needs first, and ask about timing — several dinners arriving the same week is less help than one each week.
- Household basics
- Dog food, cleaning supplies, stamps — the things that quietly run out. Not glamorous, and often exactly what’s needed.
- Paid help
- A cleaner for an afternoon, grocery delivery credit, someone to walk the dog. Some people aren’t comfortable with strangers in their home at a time like this, so it’s worth asking before booking.
- Simple comforts
- A soft blanket, good socks, a book or a show they’d enjoy. Things that are easy to receive.
Make a specific offer
“Let me know if you need anything” is kind, but it leaves them to work out what to ask for, and whether it’s okay to ask.
A specific offer is easier to accept and just as easy to decline. “Could I drop dinner off on Thursday? No need to come to the door.” “Would it help if I took the kids on Saturday morning?”
If you’ve already arranged something, like grocery credit, say so simply and let them know there’s no pressure to use it.
A few things to check
- Flowers
- Lovely for many people, though they do need a vase and some care. If they’re in the hospital, check first — some wards don’t allow flowers or plants at all, particularly where patients are more vulnerable to infection.
- Anything that needs a big response
- Elaborate packaging, a long letter asking for a reply, or a gift opened in front of other people can be a lot to handle right now.
- Advice they didn’t ask for
- A book about coping can be welcome from someone close. From others, it can feel like a suggestion that they’re handling things wrong.
- Anything that needs ongoing care
- A pet, or a plant that needs regular attention, adds responsibility at a time when they may have little to spare.
Remember them later, too
Support often arrives all at once and then fades, even when the situation hasn’t changed.
A reminder in your calendar a few weeks out — and a note or something small when it comes up — lets them know you’re still thinking of them.